Rebel INS {CF}

Not my review, major propz to afterburn, what a hero, this was some good shit

Handsome Boy Modeling School... Is It Right For YOU?!!?!
Aug 09 '04 (Updated Aug 09 '04)



Pros
The ONLY school for talented, up and coming hip-hoppers!

Cons
You might not have enough style or talent to enroll at HBMS.

The Bottom Line
"Rock N' Roll could never have a Hip-Hop like this!"


Full Review
So... How's YOUR girl??!?!!!

Here at the prestigious Handsome Boy Modeling School, we pride ourselves in being _the_ number one hip-hop-slash-fashion school in the world. If you're an aspiring producer, emcee, designer, or male model, then Handsome Boy Modeling School can help you reach your goals of global domination in your respective career. Our rigorous and exhausting curriculum will turn any flabby, unrefined freestyler into a studly, chiseled and suave _artist_. Men everywhere will want to _be_ you, and women will want to be _with_ you (or the other way around if you catch my drift — oh behave!). But Handsome Boy Modeling School isn't for everyone. Take this totally fabulous (but not like the rapper!) online questionnaire, an entrance exam of sorts, and see if you belong at HBMS.

Question 1: Dan "The Automator" Nakamura and Prince Paul are...

a. Star Trek characters — Ferengi from The Next Generation, right?!?!! Those creepy aliens who were always causing headaches for our bald protagonist Picard!
b. Totally provocative musical geniuses. Hip-Hop beatmakers at their finest, founders and loving headmasters of Handsome Boy Modeling School.
c. Those names sound familiar, I think they are some rap guys. You know, the hip and the hoppin'.
d. I have no idea who those guys are. But their _names_ sure tickle my fancy!
e. Prince has a new name? And a gay lover? AND I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT??!?!! For shame!!

Question 2: Your opinion on hip-hop is...

a. It's pretty rad, I really enjoy some of it. Key word being _some_. I like the creative, musically interesting stuff. The rest is boring like a John Kerry speech.
b. Hip-hop is my bag, baby! From Def Jux to Binary Star, you know my steez.
c. I like that one song. About big butts. And that Sixty-Three Cents guy is pretty good, I like to sing along to his songs.
d. Meh.
e. Hip? Hop? You mean rap?!! The music for criminals and hoodlums? I'll pass, kthnxbye!

Question 3: Your opinion on the male fashion industry is...

a. I can't say I'm a fashion connoisseur, but I like to look nice for the ladies.
b. OH MY GAWD! Did you see Versace's last show? It was GORGEOUS!! I wish that man designed all of MY clothes! *Ahem* Seriously though, I like to keep my look fresh and colorful.
c. Yeah, well... I wear t-shirts and blue jeans. Nothing fancy!
d. My mom still buys my clothes for me. From Wal-Mart.
e. I think the male modeling industry is a abomination to real men everywhere. All these pretty boys dressing in ugly clothes, it's enough to make even The Fonz cry.

Question 4: What do you think of a hip-hop and fashion intermingling?

a. It's an interesting concept. Done by the right people and it could be an orgasm for the ears.
b. Hip-hop has always been a trend-setting genre, it's only natural the two collaborate — like me and Jessica Alba, except we'd be "collaborating" in a much different way. In such a way that clothes aren't even required.
c. Intermingling? TEEHEE!! That's a funny word, like "erection"!
d. It's not something that piques _my_ interest.
e. Hip-hop and fashion? That's like The Village People and Tupac Shakur doing a duet. Just wrong.

Question 5: If this rapper was a male model he would be known for his unique style, wearing a faux-hawk with a suit jacket, a hot pink tie, and surfer shorts...

a. P. Diddy
b. Del The Funky Homosapien
c. Will Smith
d. That M&M guy.. he "raps", right?!
e. Blondie

Question 6: Let's say you were to be accepted at HBMS. How would you spend your time at our school?

a. Chasing women, getting drunk and being late for all my classes.
b. I'd try to enjoy my time there as much as possible — but learning is important! That's why I'm here, no?
c. One word... fraternity.
d. Picking on the weaker, less attractive students, just like high school all over again!
e. Sleeping.

Question 7: Do Grand Puba and Sadat X (Brand Nubian), Dave from De La Soul and J-Live sound like good professors?

a. Yes
b. Yes
c. Yes
d. Uhm... Yes!!
e. No (the wrong answer).

Question 8: Your opinion on sampling is...

a. It's neat when done right. But isn't everything like that?
b. Sampling can breathe life into older pieces of music and create totally new soundscapes which the original artist could have never imagined!
c. I won't lie, I've enjoyed sampling before!
d. Is that when hip-hoppers steal old music?!
e. Erection.

Question 9: Your favorite fruit are...

a. Pears. I'm not wild but certainly no plain Joe.
b. Mangoes. Adventure's my middle name, bud.
c. Plums.
d. Apples. I'm boring.
e. I'm a strict meat eater.. no fruit in _my_ diet.

Question 10: Does a school that blends classicist rap, funky turntablism, trip-hop, and electronica sound appropriate for you?

a. It does, but are there lots of pretty, horny and available girls there?
b. Definitely. I'm always one for creativity and a fun atmosphere.
c. If it's not too expensive, why not.
d. Like, it can't cost more than... $60. That's how cheap it needs to be.
e. Hmmm, no. I prefer to stay uneducated in the realm of good music.

And that ends the alotted time given for this test!

Put down your pencils!!!

You get 4 points for every question you answered "A", 5 points for every "B" answer, 3 points for every "C", you get 2 points for every "D" and for every "E" you marked down, that's 0 points. Mhm, a big fat ZERO! If you answered a lot of "E"s, just throw your test in the garbage, your score isn't going to be pretty.

40-50 points: HANDSOME BOY MODELING SCHOOL IS FOR YOU! YES, YOU! You're going to love "So... How's Your Girl?". Dan The Automator and Prince Paul's smooth sampled instrumental tracks will have your head nodding, and the guest rappers will have you flowing along with every verse they drop. Lots of variety ensures repeated listens.

30-40 points: "SO... HOW'S YOUR GIRL?" IS A GREAT PURCHASE. JUST MAKE SURE YOU HAVE "DELTRON 3030", "DR. OCTAGONECOLOGYST" AND "A PRINCE AMONG THIEVES" BEFORE YOU DROP THE CASH ON IT. You'll groove along to the thick beats and you'll love the trip-hop track with crooner Roisin Murphy and J-Live, and find lots to like on "Sunshine" with Sean Lennon and Josh Hayden. But the El-P track "Megaton B-Boy 2000" is completely unlistenable, and it will be for most listeners, regardless of how much you enjoy Def Jux.

20-30 points: THE ALBUM WILL BE A 50/50 AFFAIR FOR YOU. You'll enjoy the rapping a lot, especially "Once Again (Here to Kick One for You)" with Grand Puba and Sadat X, "Projects (Pjays)" with Del and Dave from De La will float your boat, and the DJ Shadow and Quest track "Holy Calamity (Bear Witness II)" will be your new avant-garde theme.

10-20 points: IT DEPENDS, YOU WILL EITHER HATE THE MUSIC... OR TOTALLY LOVE IT. FOR NO APPARENT REASON. IT'S A PARADOX, LIKE HOW QUEEN LATIFAH FITS INTO HER JEANS EVERY MORNING.

0-10 points: FORGET IT. JUST KEEP ON WALKING. YOUR BRAIN CAN'T COMPREHEND THE GOODNESS OF HANDSOME BOY MODELING SCHOOL. You don't belong with real talent, kid. Face it.

- - - - - - - - - -

Afterburn's score: 43

4 Stars

Disclaimer: This review's concept was inspired by the handsome Plorentz' incredible review of the excellent Basement Jaxx album "Kish Kash". Paul, I hope you don't mind me borrowing the concept, it's a magnificent one and I felt it really fit the album's vibe. Hopefully you don't feel like I'm simply biting your ideas. Therefore I dedicate this review to the ultra sexy Plorentz and Danibus, who is on a perilous journey to save our beloved Big D. Maybe this album can help bring the guy back? Good luck on your quest, mighty Danibus.

Recommended:
Yes

Great Music to Play While: Reading or Studying

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"Fighting Ignorance every day is gettin weary"
[name pending] --- The Gateway Drug --- Sometime Soon

Initial

i wanna check this out. i read another review for it and they were prasin it like a motherfucker.

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